Bobb Biehl – Executive mentor

 

 

 

Are you as attractive as you’d like to be?  Your attractiveness to other people is a mixture of at least three things:  

(1) the inner you, 

(2) the outer you, and 

(3) your dreams.  

With these factors in mind, ask yourself the following questions:

 

 

 

Do I have a positive attitude?

 

One attractive aspect of people with a positive attitude is that they explore optional solutions whenever they confront a problem. Executives appreciate staff members who approach a situation by saying, “Here’s the problem, but these are possible solutions.”

 

Am I self-centered or others-centered?

 

On my daughter Kimberly’s first day in a new school, she came to me with a seventh-grade anxiety attack:

 

 

            “Dad, how do I look?  What do you think of my new dress…my hair…my shoes…?”

 

            “Honey, how do you feel right now?”

 

            “Dad, I’m gonna be late…how do I look?”

 

            “Honey,” I said again, “how do you feel right now?”

 

            “I feel nervous, and I wonder if people are going to like me.”

 

            “How do you think every other girl in your class is going to feel today?”

 

            She paused and answered, “Probably like I do.”

 

            “Darling,” I said, “if you want to be popular and attractive to the other kids – treat others 

exactly like you want to be treated.”

 

 

 

She later told me the first day had gone well.

 

“I told everyone I met that I liked their dress or something – then every one of them told me they liked mine, too.”

 

Her needs were met just as theirs were – everyone was a winner.  If you meet Kimberly today, her first comment will be a compliment.

 

It’s an others-centered rather than a self-centered position, and it’s a vital ingredient for attractiveness in the inner you.  It tells others that you’re confident enough in how you look that you can genuinely appreciate their attractiveness.

 

 

 

Art DeMoss made famous the advice, “Love people and use things – don’t love things and use people.”  Genuine love for others is a critical component of attractiveness.  If you love people, they will look past your flaws.  But if they sense you don’t love them, your imperfections will be an irritant to them.

 

 

 

This may seem like a strange question with regard to attractiveness, but think about someone who gives you constant, genuine encouragement.  Aren’t you always glad to see this person?  Being a dependable encourager is one of the best ways to become attractive to others.

 

 

 

Taking the time to ask people questions lets them know you care.  Don’t interrogate them, but show them you care about their interests, family, plans, and goals.  Make the most of each person’s uniqueness.  The right questions, asked with sincerity, will make you attractive.

 

 

 

What can I learn from others who are attractive?

 

If you can think of friends who have a look that you like, you may want to ask them where they buy their clothes or get their hair done, etc.

 

Does my appearance or image match my position?

I’ve known many company presidents or division heads who still dress like college students.  Have you experienced some progress in position that should also be reflected in your appearance and image? 

 

A principle to remember:  Like attracts like.

 

Do I have enough energy to be attractive?

 

Are you getting the rest, exercise, and right kind of food you need to keep from feeling fatigued?

 

 

 

 

Do I have a future focus?

 

I’ve noticed that most people whose minds are focused on the past tend to be melancholy, and those who focus on the present tend to be critical; but those who have a future focus are typically positive and attractive.  Where is your focus?

 

 

 

 

Whenever you’re feeling unattractive (or counseling someone who feels that way), ask these fundamental questions:

 

The Inner You

 

-           Do I have a positive attitude?

 

-          Am I self-centered or others-centered?

 

-          Do I really love people?

 

-          Do I encourage others?

 

-          Do I ask others the right questions?

 

 

-          What can I learn from others who are attractive?

 

-          Does my appearance or image match my position?

 

-          Do I have enough energy to be attractive?

 

 

 

 

-          Do I have a future focus?

 

 

 

Knowing the right questions to ask helps increase your leadership confidence.

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Adapted from a CD titled: Focusing by Asking!   Available at www.BobbBiehl.com

 

© 2009 – Bobb Biehl – www.BobbBiehl.com – 1 800 443 1976